Bullying - How can You Support Your Child.

I was on my way to do school pick up and the headline news on the radio was - "Parents are missing the signs of their child being bullied".  Then the following article written by the school principal appeared in the schools newsletter: "What can we do as Parents to help Eliminate Bullying?"

I have shared the article below as helping children who have been and are being bullied is something close to my heart.  From what I have experienced children don't tell their parents, so it is important to learn how to read and connect with your child to pick up the signs. 

After working with a number of children I did create the Safe, Secure and Strong essence to help children to feel supported and safe to share their emotions and experiences with a safe adult.  The feedback I have received from parents after using the essence has been wonderful and I grateful that these children are getting help so early in their life. 

I don't necessarily believe that we can Eliminate Bullying, yet I do believe that we can empower our children with ways to handle a bullying situation.  I also believe that we can heal from the damage that bullying can do to our self confidence and self esteem.

What can we do as Parents to help Eliminate Bullying? - by Matthew Cole

The latest research shows that bullying remains an issue in our society, either as a perpetrator, victim, or both. And many of those who are not directly involved witness others being bullied. No child is ever immune — kids of every race, gender, grade and socio-economic sector are impacted. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

As parents we have the power to help reduce bullying.

1. Talk with and listen to your kids—everyday. Research shows that adults are often the last to know when children are bullied or bully others. You can encourage your children to buck that trend by engaging in frequent conversations about their social lives. Spend a few minutes every day asking open ended questions about who they spend time with at school and in the neighbourhood, what they do in between classes and at recess, who they have lunch with, or what happens on the way to and from school. If your children feel comfortable talking to you about their peers before they’re involved in a bullying event, they’ll be much more likely to get you involved after.

2. Spend time at school and recess. Research shows that 67% of bullying happens when adults are not present. Schools don’t have the resources to do it all and need parents’ help in reducing bullying. Whether you can volunteer once a week or once a month, you can make a real difference just by being present and helping to organise games and activities that encourage kids to play with new friends. Be sure to coordinate your volunteer time with your child’s teacher and/or principal.

3. Be a good example of kindness and leadership. Your kids learn a lot about relationships from watching you. When you get angry at a waiter, a sales clerk, another driver on the road, or even your child, you have a great opportunity to model effective communication techniques. Don’t blow it by blowing your top! Any time you speak to another person in a mean or abusive way, you’re teaching your child that bullying is OK.

4. Learn the signs. Most children don't tell anyone (especially adults) that they've been bullied. It is therefore important for parents and teachers to learn to recognise possible signs of being victimized, such as frequent loss of personal belongings, complaints of headaches or stomach-aches, avoiding recess or school activities, and getting to school very late or very early. If you suspect that a child might be being bullied, talk with the child’s teacher or find ways to observe his peer interactions to determine whether or not your suspicions might be correct. Talk directly to your child about what is going on at school.

5. Create healthy anti-bullying habits early. Help develop anti-bullying and anti-victimization habits early in your children—as early as preschool and kindergarten. Coach your children on what not to do—hitting, pushing, teasing, "saying na-na-na-na-na," or being mean to others. Help your child to focus on how such actions might feel to the child on the receiving end (e.g., “How do you think you would feel if that happened to you?”). Such strategies can enhance empathy for others. Equally if not more important, teach your children what to do—kindness, empathy, fair play, and turn-taking are critical skills for good peer relations. Children also need to learn how to say "no" firmly if they experience or witness bullying behaviour. Coach your child about what to do if other kids are mean—get an adult right away, tell the child who is teasing or bullying to "stop," walk away, ignore the bully and find someone else to play with. It may help to role play what to do with your child.

And repetition helps: go over these techniques periodically with your kindergarten and school aged children.