A Journey with Asthma

Originally, when I thought of this piece and its title I immediately thought of “A battle with Asthma” because it feels like a battle.  On reflection I decided with the title above as it has been, and still is, a process, a learning curve and ultimately a journey.

 

My journey started from me, a Kinesiologist and Neuro-trainer, the mother of now four children, and a mother who has fought with asthma from a very young age herself.

The last thing I ever wanted was a child of mine having to go through what I did. I have many happy memories of childhood but I also have many memories of having to miss out on school, not playing outside, being uncomfortably, overly rugged up even on warmer days and sitting on the dreaded couch not been able to breathe.  Struggling to breathe.  Feeling a hollowness in my chest.  The cruelness that asthma brings...the deprivation of life breath. 

In 2005, I gave birth to my boy, my third child.  As happy as a mother could be.  Before his first birthday, he had a multitude of respiratory issues.  Colds would linger and cause him great distress.  The doctors could not classify it as asthma as he was not one yet.  Well, ever since then, it has been an uphill battle to keep him well, to not expose him to infections, to keep him out of hospital and to keep him feeling ‘ normal ’, and not sick.

As the years went by, he was getting asthma attacks and croup frequently, and more often than not he was heavily medicated by all the usual medicines, just as I was. 

By 2009 I became depressed or oppressed for want of a better word.  Not only had my darling little boy become the classic asthmatic case but he was also increasingly allergic to substances and had terrible hay fever and eczema to go with it. 

All I could picture for him was a life of endless medication and a life which was not free from the dreaded looming asthma cloud that would restrict him. As even on medication, he seemed to still get the asthma.  The fear that would grip me should the early hours of the morning bring about coughing and realising that the Ventolin was out. As a mother never feeling relaxed, every night going to bed, praying for him to have a peaceful night’s sleep.  Wondering when the next trip to hospital was going to be. 

I felt irritated, cheated, depressed and alone. Seeing my boy becoming heavily medicated and sick all the time was soul destroying. Seeing the side effects of his medication was difficult.  I started to not only become depressed but I felt like we could not mix and mingle with others as much, just in case he did catch a virus / bacteria that would lead to asthma.  I even remember feeling resentful of others who were not in our situation.  It felt like we were in a dark, dark tunnel with no end in sight.  That was when I thought, “this has to stop - there has to be another way”.

Then I stumbled across kinesiology.  I remember the first time not knowing what to expect but being pleasantly surprised.  Each time he went in for a session, would recover faster, need less medication and be well again.  With each visit, not only did my boy start to recuperate but so did I. He had a session every month for two years straight. It was hard, mainly the fear of the unknown.   Slowly, my fears seem to subside and my vision of how life should be for my boy start to blossom again inside of me.  I had found hope for both of us.

We are in a much better place some five years later.  He is medication free 99.9% of the time.  He occasionally (maybe once or twice a year) needs a few puffs of Ventolin to get him through some tough infections but on the whole he is free.  He has not had any preventive medication morning and night for four years, steroid medication only once in the five years and he runs around the soccer field like the wind is chasing him.  Free and alive and with breath! It has taken us much work to get to where we are now, and even with setbacks occasionally, I feel positive and happy and I know we are moving in the right direction.

I know that he will always have a genetic weakness that makes him susceptible to respiratory issues but I also know that he now has longer and longer time periods where he doesn’t have to deal with lung and respiratory complications.  He can just have a cold - and that is all!  He can live like other children and not miss out as much.  He does not need to feel sick.

My initial goal for my son was to be medication free - this I achieved. I now am moving towards others.  The goals of never having an asthma attack again and to change the reaction his nervous system has in times of infection.  Not only will he be free of asthma but also his future children and theirs. He IS the circuit breaker for future generations and I couldn’t be happier.

 

By Daniela Miles

 

As a result of Daniela's journey she has become a qualified Kinesiologist and Neuro-Trainer running her own business - The Kinesiology Effect.  She is passionate about helping to alleviate these types of challenges that both parents and children are battling with everyday.  Her story certainly provides hope to other asthma suffers out there.  You can also find her on Facebook.

 

 

Bullying - How can You Support Your Child.

I was on my way to do school pick up and the headline news on the radio was - "Parents are missing the signs of their child being bullied".  Then the following article written by the school principal appeared in the schools newsletter: "What can we do as Parents to help Eliminate Bullying?"

I have shared the article below as helping children who have been and are being bullied is something close to my heart.  From what I have experienced children don't tell their parents, so it is important to learn how to read and connect with your child to pick up the signs. 

After working with a number of children I did create the Safe, Secure and Strong essence to help children to feel supported and safe to share their emotions and experiences with a safe adult.  The feedback I have received from parents after using the essence has been wonderful and I grateful that these children are getting help so early in their life. 

I don't necessarily believe that we can Eliminate Bullying, yet I do believe that we can empower our children with ways to handle a bullying situation.  I also believe that we can heal from the damage that bullying can do to our self confidence and self esteem.

What can we do as Parents to help Eliminate Bullying? - by Matthew Cole

The latest research shows that bullying remains an issue in our society, either as a perpetrator, victim, or both. And many of those who are not directly involved witness others being bullied. No child is ever immune — kids of every race, gender, grade and socio-economic sector are impacted. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

As parents we have the power to help reduce bullying.

1. Talk with and listen to your kids—everyday. Research shows that adults are often the last to know when children are bullied or bully others. You can encourage your children to buck that trend by engaging in frequent conversations about their social lives. Spend a few minutes every day asking open ended questions about who they spend time with at school and in the neighbourhood, what they do in between classes and at recess, who they have lunch with, or what happens on the way to and from school. If your children feel comfortable talking to you about their peers before they’re involved in a bullying event, they’ll be much more likely to get you involved after.

2. Spend time at school and recess. Research shows that 67% of bullying happens when adults are not present. Schools don’t have the resources to do it all and need parents’ help in reducing bullying. Whether you can volunteer once a week or once a month, you can make a real difference just by being present and helping to organise games and activities that encourage kids to play with new friends. Be sure to coordinate your volunteer time with your child’s teacher and/or principal.

3. Be a good example of kindness and leadership. Your kids learn a lot about relationships from watching you. When you get angry at a waiter, a sales clerk, another driver on the road, or even your child, you have a great opportunity to model effective communication techniques. Don’t blow it by blowing your top! Any time you speak to another person in a mean or abusive way, you’re teaching your child that bullying is OK.

4. Learn the signs. Most children don't tell anyone (especially adults) that they've been bullied. It is therefore important for parents and teachers to learn to recognise possible signs of being victimized, such as frequent loss of personal belongings, complaints of headaches or stomach-aches, avoiding recess or school activities, and getting to school very late or very early. If you suspect that a child might be being bullied, talk with the child’s teacher or find ways to observe his peer interactions to determine whether or not your suspicions might be correct. Talk directly to your child about what is going on at school.

5. Create healthy anti-bullying habits early. Help develop anti-bullying and anti-victimization habits early in your children—as early as preschool and kindergarten. Coach your children on what not to do—hitting, pushing, teasing, "saying na-na-na-na-na," or being mean to others. Help your child to focus on how such actions might feel to the child on the receiving end (e.g., “How do you think you would feel if that happened to you?”). Such strategies can enhance empathy for others. Equally if not more important, teach your children what to do—kindness, empathy, fair play, and turn-taking are critical skills for good peer relations. Children also need to learn how to say "no" firmly if they experience or witness bullying behaviour. Coach your child about what to do if other kids are mean—get an adult right away, tell the child who is teasing or bullying to "stop," walk away, ignore the bully and find someone else to play with. It may help to role play what to do with your child.

And repetition helps: go over these techniques periodically with your kindergarten and school aged children.

Why are we so frightened of being different?

Reflecting back at a conversation I had with a mum about her 6 year old son, I came to realise that as parents many of us fear nonconformity. 

My 4 year old son was having swimming lessons at the time and this little boy was sitting next to me and we were chatting.  He was passionately telling me about all things he loves to create.  He was an amazingly happy creative little soul.  His mother asked if I was a school teacher as I was very good with kids.   I responded with “No, your son just reminds me of my little guy” and she proceed to tell me all the challenges her son was having at school.  Her son was very much at a stage that he wished to express himself creatively and was finding it difficult to apply his creative expression to his school work.  I shared some of the things that I had found helpful with my very creative son.  At the end of the conversation she shared that her son was learning how to play football and he hated it.  I said “Why not just stop then?”  Her response was “Every boy loves to play football and my job as a parent is to teach my son to fit in to society.”

It didn’t dawn on me until years later how easy it is to feel the pressure of conformity, particularly when it comes to your children.  At a deeper level as adults we carry this fear of rejection and abandonment so we don’t wish that on our children.  We don't want them to miss out on "opportunities" in life and feel left out.  We want them to have the skills to achieve what they want in life.  To save them from that pain we try our utmost to teach them to fit with expectations.  We want them to “fit” with their peers and to be accepted by their peers.  We constantly refer back to the “normal” developmental miles stones so that we can rectify quickly any deviations.  We have this system of learning and development that we follow and what happens if your child doesn’t want to follow that system?  How does society cater for that?

I struggle everyday between nurturing what my children are passionate about and inspiring them to learn knowing that they may not be fitting in with “developmental milestones”.  I want my children to live with a sense of purpose and passion and the is what I nurture at home.  Yet it is not necessarily what is being nurtured in the world out there.

Change happens when we push against conformity. New ideas are born when we challenge the status quo.  We inspire others when we lead from our own inspiration.  Each day I battle internally as to how to raise children who have the courage to be different, when I didn’t have that courage at their age.  Our children are trying to challenge the status quo in their own way, yet we as parents are having our own internal battle with the belief system we were raised with.....to conform.

The Fairy Tale - Happy Ever After

Did you grow up with fairy tales that taught you that your knight in shining armour would rescue you and you would live happy ever after?  I did and I was sadly disappointed when my knight came riding in and my life didn’t have the ending I was expecting. 

It concerns me when I hear girls say, I just need to find the “right” guy and then I will be happy.  We seem to be teaching our children to place their happiness in someone else’s hands.  What a responsibility to hand over to someone else.  How does someone else “make” you happy when you have no idea for yourself what makes you happy?

Have you ever been that person trying to make someone else happy?  Were you stressed from jumping through hoops trying to work out what the other person wanted and needed?

We are bombard with advertising and television shows suggesting if we have this or do that we will then be happy.  We all seem to be in pursuit of "happiness".

Happiness is a personal thing, so if you teach our child to think and feel for themselves they will have a better sense of what is right for them and what makes them happy. It will empower them to realise that they are responsible for their own happiness and it is not the responsibility of someone else to "make them happy".

The key is to teach kids to acknowledge their feelings.  When we are disconnected from our emotions it is really hard to find the happiness that resides in all of us, so we tend to go looking for happiness outside of ourselves.

How do you embrace happiness in your life?

Releasing the Stories and Integrating the Lessons of the Past

What is your story?  What excuses do you make that permit you to stay exactly where you are?  What's holding you back from pursing your heart felt dreams?

I have been on a journey of making peace with my past, so that I can be at peace in the present.  I am passionate about teaching my children how to live more emotionally aware, so they too learn to follow their passions. 

My journey has been similar to completing a jig saw without knowing the big picture I am creating.  Placing each piece in the puzzle brings me a little closer to the whole picture, yet I still have to work out how the pieces fit together. Vibrational remedies have played a major part in uncovering the pieces of the puzzle and how each piece is connected.

One piece was exposed a few years ago when a friend suggested I take the bush flower essence - Sturt Desert Pea (found in the Grief Blend), which releases deep held grief and sadness.  I was a bit confused about my need to take this essence, as I didn't believe I was grieving and I certainly wasn't feeling sad.

One afternoon a few days after starting the essences I began crying.  What had been lying at a subconscious level had come to my consciousness (the magic of vibrational essences at work).  I rang my mother and asked her, "Did Dad want a third child?"  She responded, "No he didn't.  It took me awhile to convince him to have you, yet he loved you when you were born."

Hearing those words enabled me to recognise a pattern (a story) that I had been carrying all my life.
I had always worked hard to prove to my father that I was worthy.  He passed away when I was 21 years old and I transposed that need to prove myself onto other significant males in my life.  I was never conscious of why I placed so much importance on being recognised as a worthwhile person. 

I was now choosing to break a generational pattern, as my father never felt worthy in his father's eyes and his fear about having a 3rd chid was a reflection of his own self doubt in his ability to financially support his family.

I had spent so much of my energy attempting to please others for recognition, I had lost sight of what I wanted to do for myself.

With the help of the vibrational essence I was consciously aware of my story and was able to let it go.  I changed my focus to believing that I was worthy rather than trying to prove that I was worthy.  Another mystery solved, generational pattern severed and lesson integrated in the journey of life.

What story are you ready to release?  What lesson are you ready to integrate? What generational patterns are you ready to discard?

The Gift of Insight through Meditation

I remember when someone suggested to me that I start meditating.  I was in a stressful corporate career and the thought of switching off my head was a little daunting.  How do you switch off your thoughts when you have to follow rules to meditate “correctly”.   My response "I can't meditate!!!!"

It's funny to hear those words come back at me when I suggest that meditation is a great thing to embrace into your life and to teach children, people just laugh and think I'm crazy.

I have tried a number of different styles of meditation and in the end I had to throw all the rules out the window and find my own style.  My style works for me.  I always feel relaxed and peaceful when I finish.  Sometimes my mind has wandered all over the place and other times it has been still and silent. I have just learnt to go with whatever happens and not get caught up in "doing it right".

I have seen amazing benefits from embracing meditation in my life, so I thought I would introduce it to my children at a young age.  My eldest was 5 and my youngest was 3 when I introduced a meditation CD into their bedtime routine.  The Indigo Dreaming - Meditations for Children CD was fantastic as it had very short guided meditations to teach the kids about breathing and relaxation etc.

As I grew more confident within myself I started to create my own guided meditations for the children.  What I loved about it was I could use guided meditation to teach my children about managing challenges in life.  They could visualise themselves facing fears and seeing a positive outcome.

My eldest is now 9 and he uses the techniques he has learnt in his everyday life.  He will use visualisations when he is playing sport such as seeing himself kicking the goal at footy, celebrating the goal and recognising how he feels.  It certainly has enhanced his self-belief.

My youngest is now 7 and he has a very low pain threshold, so when he is hurt  I remind him to breathe deeply and think about things that bring joy to his life.  So he stands there and says "Puppies, Kittens and Penguins"  taking a deep breaths and we find the screaming settles quickly.

Sensational Meditation for Children by Sarah Wood Vallely provides wonderful tips and tools for meditating with your children.  One of the meditations in the book is called The Happy Tree and my youngest son asks me for this meditation when he doesn't quite understand why he is feeling upset. In the meditation the child gets to ask his sad fruit what it needs to be like the happy fruit.  You will be amazed at what your child will share with you.  Not only does it provide you with insight into how your child is feeling, it empowers your child to understand how they feel and what they can do to bring themselves back into balance.

These are just some of the benefits that have been observed from the studies conducted on children who meditate:
Improved self-confidence

• Improved self-esteem
• Promoted positive thoughts, self-awareness and mindfulness
• Improved relationships and social skills
• Enhanced learning and increased attention span
• Enhanced concentration and focus leading to improved test and sports results
• Reduced anxiety, stress and negative emotions – anything that reduces stress enhances the immune system

Happy meditating!

Chasing Happiness

Are you happy right now? 

Or is it a case of once you achieve or have the next thing you will then be happy?

Many of us seem to get into the hamster wheel chasing our happiness and often wonder why we are exhausted and don't feel happy.  What would happen if you got off the wheel, took sometime to really work out what you would like out of life and decide to be happy right here, right now?

I remember I used to always say to myself that I would be happy once I lots a few more kilos, yet I have discovered the key to losing those kilos is to love and accept yourself now.  Holding yourself in a positive light encourages success in your life not failure.  Beating yourself and withholding joy from your life does not nurture a positive mindset.

Happiness is a choice not a destination.